It is either boredom or depression

or it is loneliness or misery.

There seems to no way out of it for me.

If I could do what I really want to do

and see that my life has meaning and purpose

I would not be any of those things.

I am a twenty some year old.

I have flashbacks that come back to me of

when I was working late at Walmart

and I would drive home,nobody was here and I drove back out

listening to Kelly Clarkson’s album Breakaway

and The Hoot Soundtrack

and Velvet Revolver’s song I Fall To Pieces

and Augustana’s song Boston.

That was back in the summer of 2007 or 2008

when I actually wore plaid shorts everyday of the week

till I started wearing blue jeans again.

My friend was dating a man at the time.

I was crushed and devastated.

I never really got over it.

I can not find her anymore and that hurts me dearly.

People have posted that she’s gone

and I am praying that I will see she’s alive somehow,

just one glimpse of it would ease my mind.

I am worried.

This is hard on me really.

I would weep for about half an hour

then I’ll look for her

then I’ll go to bed and try to just accept it somehow.

My friend used to message me

and her friends somehow convinced her that I posed as her

and I never did that once which hurts so deeply also.

It seems likes a unending battle for me.

I may never get to see her or know her ever again

and sadly I never got the chance to meet her or know her once

and that is the hardest thing for me to accept in my life,yet oh well.

Nobody cares about her on this earth as much as I do.

All I can find of her are pictures and videos and that is it.

No calls and no emails.

It would be a miracle if she would call or message me,

yet sadly there is no reaching her because there is no way to contact her.

People slander her and stuff.

They all should apologize to her and stop being jerks like they are being.

I hurt so deeply and the pain does not end.

I mean literally I will go on and not cry at all for days,

yet I look for where she may be and I really want to go see her,

yet I will never chase her or stalk her

so there is really no way for me to ever meet or get to know her ever.

Goodnight world.

May y’all never lose the ones you love and care about.