I have to be honest with everyone.
It drove me to near lunacy a.k.a. insanity
so I went into town and sought a counselor
who I learned was a psychologist
and I explained to them about my struggles with demons
and they just brushed it off as chemical imbalances in the brain.
So I shortly afterwards left more discouraged than before.
My dad was determined to get me right in the head
so he got me more into women again and less into religion
so from November to December I skipped school
and I was more interested in stuff that would help me
rather than what it would benefit the minister’s pockets.
I hated having to tithe which I considered ludicris.
I learned from my dad that ministry members make the ministers rich
which I did resent.
I actually was not even interested in going back to the Youth Group
till a old friend keep pushing me to go back because he was mad about it,
yet another reason that I did go back and that was late 2005
or maybe mid 2006 was to see if it was even worth it and I was disappointed.
No Ashley at all,just Ronnie and the usual’s,yet less and less.
I was more and more resentful of even being there.
I went one time to do tag football because I love the sport,
yet after being gone for so long,the thrill was gone.
In November 2004 I was going nearly lunacy or insane
because of the Youth Group and the whole going to ministry
every day for nearly a year and that was too much on me.
When I did notice that Ashley was not there
I was like why should I even show up
because she did mean so much to me then.
We would call each other on a regular basis in December of 2004.
For quite a while I missed her,yet I got sick of it all.
I really began to hate school
and the need to go to Chapel every damn Wednesday
so a Wednesday during the last month of school I decided to skip Chapel
and lament on what I lost because of those damn demons
who had caused me to go insane.
They know who they are and if God allows I will avenge them all ruthlessly.
Let me take a few steps back and discuss why I resented going back so much.
The Youth Group would not defend me once
when I went to the altar to pray and came back to see
that the pictures that I had planned to give to the person that I took them with
were torn to pieces and whoever did it,I was mad at and not lightly either,livid.
The Youth Pastor who is supposedly to be like a saint
was a coward and would not reprimend them who did it.
I started to hate the Youth Pastor because of it.
After Ashley quit going to the Youth Group
and my mental issues I quit the Youth Group.
After 2006 came in I started my own religion,Peace Science
which worked for a while,yet not enough
so I studied Quantum Physics which lead me back to Christianity,
yet this time no ministry to mess my thinking up
and no random people to tempt me while I am trying to do right.
For a while everything seemed right in the world,
friends would come by and hang out,
we would go to the pool haul and shoot pool
and I would do the same,yet eventually they let me down
so that was done.
I then decided to let friends go and be a loner.
So for this long I have been a loner
and it is not bad,yet lonely,not bad,even though at times I’m all alone
and regardless of that it is better to be alone
than it is to hang with cowards or jerks who may betray you.